We don’t spiral because we’re bad people.
We spiral because we’re in pain, in fear, or in freeze.
But instead of asking “Why am I doing this?”, we jump straight to shame:
“I’m weak.”
“I always mess it up.”
“I’ll never change.”
Sound familiar?
The truth is, shame doesn’t change you — it paralyses you.
It locks you in a loop: feel bad, act out, feel worse, repeat.
And what if I told you that the thing you’re ashamed of…
was never the problem — it was a signal.
🔁 Shame Keeps You Stuck. Signals Move You Forward.
When you feel shame, your brain shuts down creativity, courage, and clarity.
It pulls you inward, tightens your chest, and whispers: “Hide.”
But when you treat that same moment as a signal — it becomes useful.
Instead of:
“I drank again, I’m useless.”
Try:
“I drank again. What’s the signal?”
“Was I tired? Lonely? Angry? Overwhelmed? Ignored?”
Shame says: “There’s something wrong with you.”
Signal says: “There’s something to learn here.”
⚙️ A Simple Shift: Signal Mapping Instead of Shame Spirals
Here’s a practical way to flip it.
- Catch the moment (e.g. after using, overeating, gambling, doom scrolling)
- Pause before punishment — no “I’m an idiot” talk
- Ask: “What was this trying to solve or soothe?”
- Write it down — make it part of your pattern journal
“I wasn’t weak — I was exhausted.
I didn’t relapse — I reacted to being alone.
I didn’t fail — I reached for something familiar.”
That doesn’t make it okay.
It makes it understandable. And understanding is the birthplace of real change.
✍️ Journal Prompt: From Shame to Signal
- What’s one thing you still carry shame about?
- What might it have been trying to communicate or soothe?
- What would you say to a younger version of yourself in that moment?
💬 Real Talk
If you came to me saying, “I messed up again, I’m useless,”
I’d say:
“No, mate. You didn’t mess up — you sent a flare. Let’s look at what you were trying to survive.”
Because that’s the difference between shame and signal:
Shame silences.
Signal speaks.
And once you start listening to your own signals instead of judging them —
You’re not spiralling. You’re starting.
🔄 Final Thought:
What if you stopped punishing the parts of you that tried to cope?
What if you could take the same moment of shame — and turn it into a message, a map, a moment of power?
Recovery doesn’t begin when everything is perfect.
It begins the moment you listen, not punish.
That’s The Empowerment Pathway. That’s the shift.