Most people don’t wake up and say,
“I’d love to wreck my life today.”
But we still do it sometimes.
We drink when we said we wouldn’t.
We binge even though we know better.
We isolate when we promised ourselves we’d reach out.
It’s easy to call it “self-sabotage.”
But most of the time?
It’s actually self-soothing.
We’re trying to meet a need.
We’re trying to feel better.
And if you look closely — every habit has a need behind it.
💭 The Real Question Isn’t “Why Do I Do This?”
It’s:
What need is this meeting for me right now?
Because behaviours don’t just show up for no reason.
They come from somewhere. They serve something.
And until you understand what that is, it’s hard to change.
For example:
| Habit | Possible Need |
| Drinking at night | To feel relaxed, to numb loneliness, to escape the noise |
| Scrolling for hours | To feel connected, to distract from discomfort, to avoid silence |
| Smoking weed | To slow down the world, to manage anxiety, to stop overthinking |
| Binge eating | To comfort, to self-soothe, to feel in control of something |
| Gambling | To feel alive, to chase hope, to break the monotony |
These aren’t excuses.
They’re insights.
Once you identify the real need behind the habit,
you stop making it personal.
You stop calling yourself “weak.”
You start getting curious.
👣 What This Changes
Let’s say you usually hit the pub after a rough day.
If you ask:
“Why do I keep doing this?”
You’ll probably get shame.
But if you ask:
“What do I need right now that I’m not getting?”
You get clarity.
Maybe you need connection.
Maybe you need to stop carrying everything alone.
Maybe you need an outlet that doesn’t wreck you tomorrow.
And that opens the door to something better.
🔄 The Rewire
Here’s a reframe to carry with you:
Your habit is a signal — not a defect.
It’s trying to tell you what’s missing.
It’s trying to meet a need that isn’t being met another way.
So instead of fighting the habit with shame,
get under it.
Look at it sideways.
Ask yourself:
- What am I really needing right now?
- What’s this behaviour trying to give me?
- How else could I meet that same need?
You don’t have to have the perfect answer.
You just need a better one.
✍️ Try This
This week, track just one habit you want to change.
Every time it shows up, ask:
“What was I needing just before I reached for this?”
Write it down. Don’t judge. Just notice.
Patterns will appear.
And they’ll give you the map to real change.
👊 Final Word
You’re not crazy. You’re not broken.
You’re just trying to feel okay.
Your habits make sense — even if they’re hurting you now.
But you’re not stuck with them.
You can honour the need…
And choose a new way to meet it.
That’s not weakness.
That’s recovery.
That’s empowerment.