It’s not always the substance that trips you up — it’s the storm underneath.
We often think relapse happens in a single moment:
The drink.
The hit.
The scroll.
The rage.
The binge.
But that’s not when it starts.
It starts earlier — when your system gets flooded.
When you’re tired, triggered, and spiralling before you’ve even had a chance to breathe.
This is dysregulation — and if you don’t learn to see it, name it, and work with it, it will hijack your recovery before you can say “what just happened?”
🚨 What Is Dysregulation?
It’s not just feeling “off.”
Dysregulation is when your nervous system can’t find centre.
You’re either:
- 🔥 Hyperaroused — anxious, irritable, racing, angry
- ❄️ Hypoaroused — numb, flat, foggy, disconnected
- Or swinging between the two like a yo-yo
It’s a body on red alert.
A brain in panic.
A heart that can’t land.
🧠 Why It’s Dangerous in Recovery
When you’re dysregulated, you’re not thinking clearly.
You’re surviving.
Your prefrontal cortex (the logical part) goes offline.
Your impulses take over.
Old habits — even ones you swore you were done with — start looking like lifelines.
Here’s what that can look like:
- You snap at your partner and shame spirals flood in
- You’re exhausted, so you say “just one drink”
- You feel flat and go on a three-hour scroll binge
- You cancel all your support calls, convinced no one gets you
- You sabotage progress because it feels “too good”
This isn’t failure.
It’s dysregulation doing what it does: hijacking your agency.
⚠️ The Myth of Willpower
Dysregulation proves something important:
You don’t relapse because you’re weak.
You relapse because your nervous system got overwhelmed, and you didn’t have the tools to anchor yourself.
This is not about shame.
This is about strategy.
🔍 Signs You’re Dysregulated (Before You Spiral)
- Snapping at small things
- Feeling like everything is “too much”
- Compulsively checking your phone, fridge, or front door
- Forgetting to eat, hydrate, or breathe
- Losing track of time
- Wanting to isolate (but also feeling lonely)
- Saying “I don’t care” when deep down, you really do
These aren’t flaws.
They’re flares.
Signals that your system needs support.
🛠 What to Do Instead
Here’s the truth:
You can’t white-knuckle your way out of dysregulation.
You have to regulate before you can reason.
Try this:
1. Pause the Spin
Find one sensory anchor.
Cold water on your hands.
Feet flat on the floor.
A sound in the room.
This brings you back to now.
2. Breathe — No, Really
Box breathing. 4 in, 4 hold, 4 out.
This isn’t spiritual fluff — it sends a literal “calm down” signal to your brain.
3. Name What’s Happening
“I’m not going mad. I’m dysregulated.”
That alone can shift the shame spiral and give you back a slice of power.
4. Reach for Support — Not Perfection
You don’t need to “fix it.”
Just call someone, move your body, get outside, write it down.
Start small. Start honest. Start regulated.
🎯 Final Word from Mark
Dysregulation is part of the journey — not a sign you’re failing.
But ignoring it? That’s when the real danger kicks in.
Recovery isn’t about being “fine” all the time.
It’s about knowing your patterns, catching the fire before it burns the house down.
You don’t need to be perfect.
You just need to build systems that hold you steady when your brain and body want to bolt.
Regulate first.
Then choose from power — not panic.
You’ve got this.
And I’ve got your back.